Taking Time Off.
I do not want to write the words that I am about to write here. Every part of me wants to believe that I do not need to write them but the past few weeks have proven otherwise. And that’s okay.
I have fought a long, exhaustive, and heart-bruising battle with this over the past couple of months. And I think that I have, at last, resolved to accept what I need to do for myself right now as an act of self-care and love.
Before I go on, let me back up a bit here and lay down some foundation for you.
The past few months have not been easy for me. I have alluded to this here in previous posts but have had to respect the privacy that I know that I need by not delving deep into the details or discussing what’s been happening in my personal life in such a way that invites invasive questioning from others, judgement, speculation, pity, etc.
I had hope that after some time had passed I would be able to get back to regular blogging and sharing my life with my readers here but I would be expecting too much from myself if I did. I am going to expose a piece of my hurting heart to you by saying that right now I am weak and far more confused and broken than I can ever remember being in my adult life. I will be okay. Eventually. I know that. But at present, I need to take some time to heal and rebuild as I am going through a tremendously sad, scary, and hopeless-feeling “valley,” so to speak. There has been a major, traumatic loss in my life and without spelling out specifics (I’m not ready to and likely won’t be for a while to come) I need to step away from the blog and my freelance writing projects for a brief time to properly cope and recover.
I simply do not have the time, energy, drive, or inspiration to keep up a regular writing schedule right now and admitting this makes me sad. I love my readers and I love to write. Having to take time away due to personal strife was not something I could have foreseen at this time but it is what is necessary.
All of this said, I will be taking a break from the blog until further notice. I wish I could commit to a “return” date but even that seems like it may have the potential to add stress at a time when I truly can not bear one more ounce of it. This is not to say that maybe I won’t wake-up one morning with an insatiable urge to crank out a spontaneous post. That may happen. And I hope that it does. But for now, I have to take care of and love myself through this time in my life.
Rest assured, if you are familiar with my writing and the themes in much of my work and my own life story, than you know that I am a fighter. It takes a lot to break me. And I am no stranger to loss, pain, and the grief that follows. I have overcome before and I will overcome again. Resilience is in my blood. I will be back here soon. Promise.
Finally, thank you to all of my dearest friends and those of you who have reached out to encourage and show me love and compassion with more than just words. Your love and friendship are worth more to me than any amount of money or material thing. I am eternally thankful for the warriors in my life who have rushed in to surround and support me as I lay wounded. You are my tribe. And you know who you are.
Thank you for helping me to stay determined in life. That’s the kind of love that can keep a bleeding heart beating. And the kind of love we are all worthy of when our wings have been wounded and we can not find the strength to fly on our own as we used to.
Be well, dear readers.
I’ll be seeing you soon.
“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen
March 23, 2015